


Cramps are the Actual Worst

by secretly_a_spacaecadet



Series: Voltron One-Shots [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bi Matt Holt, Bisexual Matt Holt, Body Dysphoria, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Dysphoria, Gay Shiro (Voltron), Gender Dysphoria, How Do I Tag, Hurt Matt, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Internalized Transphobia, Love Confessions, M/M, Matt Holt-centric, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Out and Proud, Pining, Pining Idiots, Pining Shiro (Voltron), Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Indulgent, Shiro is an idiot, Sorry Not Sorry, Tags Are Fun, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Matt Holt, Underage Drinking, based on my expiernces, clueless idiots, imposter syndrom, matt holt is an idiot, pining Matt holt, trans character written by a trans man author, very self-indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:20:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24018121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretly_a_spacaecadet/pseuds/secretly_a_spacaecadet
Summary: Ship: Shatt/Miro (Shiro/Matt)Fandom: VoltronCharacters: Shiro and MattWarnings: internalized transphobia,Word Count: 9382Written: 2020
Relationships: Matt Holt/Shiro
Series: Voltron One-Shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1619965
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Cramps are the Actual Worst

Matt was lying on his bed, he was in so much pain due to his monthly coming a little early. He usually tracked this better and he wasn’t sure what had gotten his schedule off. He hadn’t had a pregnancy scare, hard to have one when you haven’t had any sex in ages. His hormone therapy hadn’t made them weird yet, at least he didn’t think they had. Why was this one-off? Nothing new or anything that he could immediately think of that would cause this  _ problem _ . 

The pain was crippling, he could kind of move the few feet it took him to get to the family bathroom. The poor boy was miserable from immense pain caused by his camps. The cravings made this whole ordeal twenty times worse than it might’ve been without them. Unfortunately the only thing that seemed appealing was whatever he was actively craving.

Weeks like these, when his body decided to remind him that he was biologically still a woman were the worst. It made him feel like he wasn’t at home in his own body. Lucky for him, he was always smaller. He never developed any breasts, they stayed pretty much non-existence. To him his body was easier for him to cope with. The longer he was on Testosterone the more his body felt more like his, the only downfall was seven days a month.

All Matt wanted was to call his mom and have her bring some of his favorite food and take care of him like she used to. But somewhere in the back of his head he knew that wasn’t all that great of an idea. His mom wouldn't want to do that. He knew she had much better things to do than deal with than her cranky, bratty, eighteen-year-old son. Matt tended to be a baby when it came to his menstrual cycle, and all the issues it brought with. So, he didn’t want to bother his mom with that little bit of mess he was right now. 

Matt also couldn't call his little sister to help, she had a life and usually had plans on Wednesdays. The last thing that Matt wanted was to ruin any plans she had if he could avoid it and he could... Pidge is a last case scenario. They already have a long-running plan on Thursday nights because that is the night of his shot. Matt had to rely on his little sister because he was too afraid to take the few moments to give him his shot. The pair always made it a whole night of it, they would watch a movie and play some video games. But, it was never silent with the two of them, between Matt's complaining and Pidge's outbursts there was never a dull moment. Matt loved these nights so much, more than he would care to admit. He was so lucky to have someone who cared so much about him as his little sister. 

He could always call his dad if he needed him but Matt couldn't remember his schedule these days. He was pretty sure he had picked up Wednesdays nights, but he could be wrong. It was better if he didn't bother his dad who was busy with his real job then whatever Matt was currently going through. Matt settled on the best plan of action would be to bother one of his friends than any member of his loving family. It would be okay, this was alright. He'd call one of his friends to come be buddy-buddy with for the next few days or even hours and not complain.

Who wasn’t too busy to take the time to deal with his overly emotional idiotic self? Most of his friends were too busy, they were always too but not Shiro, Matt knew he never did anything. The only problem with calling Shiro was that he had a huge crush on him but knew his place. Would it be out of his place to ask Shiro to come over and hang out with him and keep him company? They were friends but Matt wasn’t all that close with him and he was afraid of losing all contact with him. Matt would never know how he would respond unless he took the plunge and got over whatever ridiculous fear and made the call. Shiro wouldn’t be too rude to him if he was too busy. 

Swallowing his pride Matt pulled up Shiro’s phone number and clicked the Face-time icon. He hoped Shiro would pick up. With his teeth, he picked at the jagged skin on his bottom lip, knowing that if he continued doing so it would bleed.

“Hey, Matt what’s up? You never call, is something wrong?” Shiro’s voice was full of concern, his eyebrows furrowed. Fuck Shiro for knowing him well. He knew that Matt avoided calling if he could text instead. Why did he call him again? He would've gotten a response if he had texted Shiro, always hyper-vigilant about texting back on time.

Could they even consider his monthly cycle an urgent or serious situation? It wasn't life-threatening, it was only a pain in the ass at this point. Matt hoped it would go away within the next few months.

“Yeah, well kinda?” Matt panicked a little, his breathing heavy as he tried not to overreact because Shiro knew him that well. Why had he thought this was a good idea? This was such a bad idea but he had no other good options. He couldn't stand the thought of being alone right now.

“Oh? What is it exactly?” Shiro was even more concerned… stupid, careless Matt. He cursed himself for being so terrible with words and unable to ease Shiro’s concern. The last thing that Matt wanted was for his best friend to worry about him, all he wanted was a little bit of attention. It didn't have to be Shiro, it could've been anyone of his other friends but Shiro was the most convenient of them. 

It wasn't that Matt hadn't come out to Shiro yet, he came out to Shiro in Freshman year. So the other boy had been with Matt forever and appeared to have no plans on leaving him. “Yeah, yeah I’m okay! I’m feeling a little lonely. Ahh, and was wondering if you were available to hang out for a little while." He whined. "Sorry, I need some attention, but it’s not that big of a deal.” 

“Do you want me to pick up anything to eat on the way over?” Shiro asked softly, everything about how he was acting was soft. “If you want that it would take a little longer to get there.” That was why Matt loved him, Shiro knew better than to question whatever was going on with Matt. 

“Yeah, a burger of some sort, California Rolls, and a slice of Apple Pies sounds fucking amazing right now! I’ll give you money for it! I promise.” Matt sounded excited about getting food and attention from Shiro.

“I’ll be there in like twenty minutes. Do you want a smoothie or milkshake or something like that?” Shiro offered. “There’s no need to pay me back for any of it, I’ve got your back!” Shiro promised, his voice kind and gentle. He tried to get Matt to feel a little better about what was happening with him. 

“Yeah, a chocolate milkshake would be amazing!” Matt bounced in his seat. “Okay, not even a little bit?” Matt asked, his voice soft and quiet. He was a little upset that Shiro wasn't going to allow him to pay him back. It was starting to feel like Matt was gonna owe him until he got a chance to return the favor in a nonconventional way. Shiro was too much of a gentleman to accept cash and Matt didn't like to feel like he owed anyone anything. 

“Yeah, I’m sure… I will be there as soon as I possibly can. I promise I won’t keep you waiting too long.” Shiro smiles softly at him. “But I have to go so I can drive.”

“Okay, see you soon, Shiro! Thank you so much for coming to hang out with me!” 

“Hey, that's no problem, I was starting to get bored sitting at home all alone so I’m very glad you decided to call me!” Matt couldn’t see it but Shiro had a wide genuine smile plastered on his face. “Bye see you soon Matt!”

“Bye Shiro, see you soon!” Matt couldn’t wait to see Shiro again, it had been a while since they got a chance to hang out just the two of them.

Shiro hung up the phone as soon as Matt had said something. Flopping back with a loud exhale, the breath he hadn't realized he was holding in left his body. After a small sigh he allowed himself to be completely happy with the fact that his friend would be with him. Should Matt be happy about monopolizing Shiro’s time? Matt was sure that Shiro liked someone else while he loved him. In short Matt had no chance with Shiro, at all.

Matt wrapped his arms around his pillow. How was this even a semi-good idea? Why did Matt have to pick Shiro of all people? That was such a bad idea but he was going to have to deal with the consequences later. 

Matt needed to brace himself to go get some pain killers for his horrible cramps, but he couldn't move all that much. Swinging his body out of bed, he finally gets out of bed. Crouching his body so that he could move and get to the bathroom as quickly as he could. Matt waddled to the bathroom so that he could grab Tylenol out of the mirror medicine cabinet over the sink. He smoothed his hand over the cool marbled countertop, the bottle was running low.

After he grabbed a dose from the bottle he dry swallowed it. He headed to the kitchen to grab a water bottle. He chugged the whole water bottle in minutes.

He headed back to the bedroom, knowing that he should be in the living room waiting for Shiro in the living room. At this point he wasn't even sure if he locked the door and it would be impolite to leave him at the door for a long time. Matt didn't want to do that to Shiro because it was still cold outside and he might freeze.

** Matty: ** _ Hey, let me know when you’re almost here. XO Matt! <3  _ ** Delivered-Read: 12:36 pm **

** ‘Kashi: ** _ Yeah, yeah I got your back. I’ll be there in like twenty minutes. Don’t worry, Matty.  _ ** Delivered-Read: 12:40 pm **

** Matty: ** _ Thanks ‘Kashi! See you soon! XO Matty! <3  _ ** Delivered-Read: 1:08 pm  **

** ‘Kashi: ** See you soon.  ** Delivered-Read: 1:12 pm **

** ‘Kashi: ** _ I’ll be there as soon as possible! I promise, I have the food so it’ll be about five now, I’ll see you soon. I promise. _ ** Delivered-Read: 1:25 pm **

** Matty: ** _ Okay, I’ll be downstairs waiting for you to get here. XO Matty <3  _ ** Delivered-Read: 1:29 pm **

Matt had made it to the living room without too much of a struggle, it was getting easier to move. It wouldn't be long before Shiro would be here. He was bouncing; it was a slight bounce, he couldn't wait to see the person he missed the most. 

Shiro and Matt had always been close, they were best friends since at least freshman year. As children they had made a promise to always take care of each other no matter what. The promise that they made didn't make him any less afraid of what would happen if he told Shiro. Matt and Shiro didn't fight a lot and when they did it was more often Matt caused by being a scared, stubborn idiot... they were either for or about him. Matt was more than willing to let people walk all over him without a word from Matt but Shiro always stood up for him. During one of his darkest times in him in his life he had somehow managed to fall in love with his best friend. He would never bring up these feelings to Shiro's face because he was completely terrified. He would never tell Shiro how he felt because their friendship is the most important thing to him. So Matt would repress them and hope that one day he might get over him or it would work out in his favor... but almost five years is a long time to hold it in. He would give anything to keep Shiro in his life even though he knew it was super selfish but he wouldn't allow him to feel guilty about it. He only wouldn't let himself feel guilty because the only one he was hurting was himself. He couldn't hurt anyone else, so he would never tell anyone if that meant he could keep Shiro in his life. Matt had come to terms with the fact that he was in love with Shiro awhile ago.

There was a loud rapping on the door. It had to have been Shiro, who else would be here... Matt wasn’t expecting anyone else, he never expected anyone else. Wrapping his blanket tighter around his shoulders as he walked to the door. HE looked out the peephole, already begging to unlock the door to let his friend in. Once Matt was sure it was Shiro he pulled the squeaky door open and pulled Shiro inside the house. Immediately he pulled him into a big hug, his blanket wrapping around Shiro’s shoulders. All Matt wanted was to cuddle Shiro right now but they had to deal with their food first

“Do you need any help?” Shiro gave Matt a look that said that he didn't need help, nor wanted it. “C’mon, I dragged you across town for a selfish reason. Then asked you to stop and get me food,” Matt whined, wanting nothing more than to help.

“No, I don’t need help, I need you to go sit down so we can eat lunch. Okay?” Shiro had a commanding tone to his voice. Matt would always listen to him, he knew Shiro would always have his best interest in mind. Shiro always had his back, and always would... there was no doubt in Matt's mind.

“Okay. Are you sure, ‘Kashi?” Matt asked gently, he didn’t want to sit down and Shiro was just being macho.

“Yes, I’m sure. Go ahead and sit down, it’s only two bags of food bud.” Shiro shrugged it off with a small smile. 

“Okay, I’m going to sit down, I promise.” Matt frowned and flopped down on the couch. “Better?” Matt asked with a slight pouting quality to his voice. Matt just wanted to take some responsibility for what Shiro had done to help him out. 

“Much better. I’m coming over to sit with you now.” Shiro smiled and moved swiftly to the couch, putting the bags and drink carrier onto the coffee table. 

Shiro sat down at the end of the couch and Matt instinctively placed his feet on top of Shiro’s lap. They had been friends with each other to know what the other was comfortable with. They knew something was wrong. Shiro always tried to hide when he was uncomfortable... so Matt being the friend he is, trained himself to notice the minor reactions. Matt couldn't -and wouldn't- ignore how Shiro tensed a little the moment his feet touched him. Matt had made himself sure Shiro knew about his feelings towards him so he was subtly trying to tell him. Matt moved to try and get away but Shiro stopped him from moving and squirming away with a firm hand.

“No, I have a bruise. You don't have to move your feet… I’m okay, I promise. Don’t worry,” Shiro had lied to him. But Matt wasn't going to say anything to let Shiro know that he knew his tell. He didn't have much room to move his feet and he didn't care all that much.

Matt sighed and gave Shiro a small smile. “As long as you’re sure that you are okay!” Shiro tried to hide his face and the obvious blush that was on his face from Shiro holding on tight to his legs.

“Yeah, yeah I’m sure Matty, wouldn't tell you if I wasn’t sure!” Shiro spoke with a quiet voice. He had a bright smile on his face and looked away but not before Matt noticed the bright pink tint on his nose and cheek.

“How about we eat now?” Matt offered leaning over to grab the bags off the coffee table in the middle of his small living room. 

“Yeah, that sounds amazing!” Shiro sounded super happy about that. 

Matt knew what Shiro would get for the two of them, both of them knew each other’s usual from each place. They ate out together often enough. Matt handed Shiro his share of the food and started to eat. 

Shiro and Matt were together all the time so now he didn't feel self-conscious about not binding or wearing a bra. Shiro didn't care about him passing, he only cared that he was comfortable. Shiro was safe and he accepted Matt as he was and didn’t try to change him or trivialize what he was going through. Matt didn’t feel like less when he was with Shiro. He knew it was platonic on Shiro's end and would always be. Matt could only hope that it would be enough for forever.

“Thank you so much for coming and taking care of me, I needed someone right now. I needed you and you came to help me. Thank you so much for coming to me.” Matt gave Shiro a wide, bright smile. “I’m so lucky that you’re here. I missed my best friend,” Matt tried not to sound upset with the term but it left a bitter taste in his mouth. Matt knew Shiro wasn’t his to hold and he was well aware that he most likely never would be. Matt would never push his luck with Shiro because he wouldn't risk losing his only friend. 

"Hey, Matthew I will always come whenever you call no matter what you mean so much to me. I would drop anything to be by your side, you mean the world to me,” Shiro's tone showed that he wasn't lying. His face had heated up into a pale pink color, he tried to hide his face. Matt knew Shiro was the best for him when he got like this, they were great when alone together.

“I know, I know you would, sorry hormones make you a little over-emotional, don't worry too much. Okay?” Matt smiled, he threw Shiro’s words back at him. Matt had wanted to say a whole lot more but he knew that if he said all that he was thinking about he might get in some trouble.

“You’re holding something back Matty, are you okay?” Shiro asked with a gentle, hushed tone... it pulled at his heartstrings. Shiro knew something and this wasn't a good thing. That’s when Matt knew he needed to come clean about his dirty little secret, even if he would fuck things up. He couldn't hold this in forever could he? 

“Okay, promise me you won’t get mad at me Shiro!” Matt said scared and worried. “Promise me please, I don’t want to lose you as my friend… you’re my best friend.”

“I would never get mad at you, and no matter what you tell me I will not stop being your friend. You’re my best friend and I will always care for you no matter what you tell me, okay?” Shiro was honest, he meant it, every single word he said. Shiro knew how Matt worked and how to put him at ease about most things. Even though he didn't think Shiro was going to get upset he did worry that everything was about to change. He was about to tell Shiro that he was in love with him and had been for a while and that had him hanging on the edge of his seat. 

Shiro deserved a real man, not whatever he was. Matt knew that if Shiro heard that thought process he would tear into him for it, remind him that he was no less of a man. Shiro had never seen him as less and had never treated him as less. Matt would always be grateful for how Shiro treated him. Shiro was Matt's whole world, he would do anything to keep him there so this made him feel terrified to tell him. This secret would be the death of him.

Matt decided he didn't want to dwell on the what-ifs any long so he blurted it out without warning, "I'm in love with you. I have been in love with you for a while. I didn't want to tell you because I've been too afraid. I didn't want to tell you this way, I didn't want to tell you at all because I didn't want to risk our friendship. You have been one of the only constants in my life. I’m so, so sorry Shiro. I know I should have told you sooner but I thought it would go away but it didn't, it kind of grew bigger.” Matt closed his eyes and tried not to cry. 

“How long?” Shiro asked, Matt couldn’t detect any ulterior motives as to why he wanted to know. 

“Shortly after I came out I realized.” Matt didn’t lie to Shiro, he knew it would do no good. Shiro knew all his tells. Matt whispered the next statement, “Sometimes I wonder if I had always felt this way towards you. I knew from the beginning that I never wanted to lose you or push you away. I never wanted to put our relationship in jeopardy, but I'm risking it all now. You asked, so I told you."

“Matt, hush you are rambling again. You need to calm down for me, okay?” Shiro tried too hard to sound unconcerned about it but Matt still noticed how worried he was. 

“Can we just forget this even happened?” Matt asked, his voice was tender. He wanted to take it back, this felt like a misstep. He was gonna lose Shiro because he was a careless idiot, he would lose his best friend, his only friend.

"No,” Shiro had a gentle tone to his voice but didn’t elaborate on it which left Matt to panic even more.

“Oh god, you hate me now, this is it… this is goodbye,” Matt grumbled and he closed his eyes tight. “Please don’t lie or let me down slowly, c'mon rip the damn band-aid off as fast as you can. I don’t want this to hurt.” The tears dripped down his face. His movements were violent as he tried to wipe the tears off his face. He didn’t want to seem weak in front of Shiro, his friend didn’t deserve this one bit. “I’m so very sorry that I threw this on you.”

“Matthew Issax Holt, would you just shut up and let me talk and explain?” Shiro was at his wits' end with Matt’s mostly unprovoked panic. “Please.” Shiro was trying to be gentle about it, every fiber in Shiro’s being was to take care and calm Matt down. 

“Yeah, yeah of course… you need to tell me what you're thinking. I’m overreacting a little. Sorry, sorry.” 

“I’m in love with you too. I have been forever and I thought you knew and was ignoring it or didn’t feel the same. You’ve always referred to me only as your best friend. How was I supposed to know that you were harboring this whole time.” Shiro shook his head. “God, I’m such an idiot, I should’ve seen the signs.” 

“No, god no I didn’t realize you even saw me in that light… fuck I didn’t even realize you could ever see me in that light.” Matt wiped his face off, his lip was super salty at this point from all the tears he had cried, but he was calming down now. Shiro liked him back, he wouldn't be losing his best friend and they might be more now too. This was good, it was going to be fine.

“How could I not? You’re beautiful, smart, loving, and always trying to take care of the people that you loved. You tend to be selfless, especially when it comes to your little sister.” Shiro smiled. “I got to see you go through everything you’ve been through so far, anyone would be dumb not to love you.” 

“I’m not that special. I can’t give you what you need all the time.” Matt let out all his fears, better to get it out now than later. 

“You’re being ridiculous, I don’t need what you think I do. I want you.” Shiro grabbed Matt’s arms and pulled him into his lap. “You can’t decide what I deserve or what I need. I need you, imperfections and all.” Shiro kissed his tears away. “I don’t feel you have all that many flaws.”

“Can I kiss you?” Matt asked, embarrassed by how much he wanted to kiss Shiro right now. He felt like he needed Shiro to claim him with a gentle, passionate kiss.

“Yeah, you can always have a kiss baby.” Shiro gave a bright smile, pleased that Matt wanted to kiss him. Years of wanting each other brought this, an outlet to this want, to this need.

Shiro pulled Matt into a rough, firm kiss but it was still the passionate kiss that he desired. Matt pushed closer into Shiro’s chest. Matt wanted more but he couldn't have that for at least a week. He hadn’t even told Shiro he was feeling lonely because it was that time of the month. He hated not being so forthcoming with him about something so trivial as his stupid period. He hated that he wanted more from Shiro right now. Shiro wouldn't want to give him that, it was disgusting and they were so new and undefined. He couldn’t lose him before this had even had a chance to start. Matt squirmed in Shiro’s lap when his hand found his way up his shirt. Matt didn’t break the kiss after the initial shock of a hand on his stomach. All he did was push himself into his calloused hand. Shiro teased Matt’s lower back and stomach, not wanting to touch Matt in any place that he didn’t want him to touch. Shiro would never go out to make him uncomfortable because Matt meant the world to him, he always had.

Matt pulled away and whimpered slightly. “We can’t, not yet. I want to but we need to stop before we go any farther.” Matt nuzzled into Shiro’s neck happier than he had been in a long time. 

“I know.” Shiro kissed his cheek. “But I’m staying with you until it’s over, I want to be with you through it.” 

“ You knew and you still made out with me? Why?” Matt asked, shocked and a little appalled that Shiro didn’t stop. 

“Because I would do anything you wanted, I would do anything to make sure you're comfortable and happy.” Shiro smiled and kissed his neck, playfully nipping at his neck. “Besides I figured if you didn’t want to go any farther than you would’ve stopped us from pressing on. I know you, Matt.” 

“God you’re a dork.” Matt smiled, it was a bright genuine smile. “I feel like it’s gross and don’t think you're up for it. Besides I don’t want my first time to be like this.” 

“We will wait until Shark Week is over, I promise.” Shiro pecks his lips for a quick moment. “How long do they last normally?”

“About four to six days.” Matt leaned into him. “I can’t wait.” 

“Mhm, it looks like you're stuck with me for at least a week. How ever will you manage?” Shiro had a teasing tone to his voice. 

“I have no clue, I feel like I’ll be getting lots of kisses to make up for lost time.”

“Mhm, sounds good to me.” Shiro kisses Matt’s cheek. “Is this your first day of it?” 

“Yeah, is that a problem?”

“No, not at all babe.” Shiro kisses his face. “Will Pidge be here tomorrow to give you the shot because if you want I could give you it.” Shiro playfully nips at Matt’s neck. 

“No, I can’t ask that of you… besides Pidge and I always watch a movie.” 

“You wouldn’t be asking anything of me if I want to do it.” Shiro smiles playfully. “But I will take care of you after your sister leaves. I promise.” He kisses his cheek, giving him as many kisses as he possibly could, just happy to be in the moment with Matt. 

For once in Matt’s life he felt like the most important person in the entire world. Matt was hopeless for Shiro and the way Shiro treated him made its way to his head. God, Shiro’s love was infectious and this was only the beginning he was sure there would be more things that did this. The more time he spent with Shiro, with Shiro filling him with praises made him fall deeper in love with Takashi Shirogane. At this point Matt was aware he was lost at sea and there was no way he would ever make it out alive, he was drowning in Shiro.

Matt leaned down and kissed Shiro again. This time the kiss was less frenzied but it held the same neediness and fire behind it. Matt pressed himself closer to Shiro, his breasts squished between them. Out of the blue he felt super self-conscious about his body. Matt threw himself away from Shiro's body and the perfect kiss almost onto the hardwood floor. He remembered why this could never work between the two of them. He couldn't be what Shiro deserved no matter what the other said.

“Matt, are you okay?” Shiro asked, he reached out to hold his body again but stopped short. Matt grabbed onto his outstretched hand and used it to pull himself back onto the couch right. The last thing Shiro wanted to see was Matt hurt himself by mistake because he knew how bad the coffee table hurt. He cared so much for Matt and his well being, he would always put that first no matter what.

“Yeah, yeah… I’m sure I’ll wake up soon and this will all be one big dream.” Matt's pouty lips made Shiro upset, he didn't like seeing him like this. "At least it will be one of the best I've ever had,” Matt had tried so hard to not be upset anymore.

“This is not a dream, I promise this is real. I’m here, I love you. I promise” Shiro cupped his face. “I will always be here for you.” 

“Okay, okay I’m fine ‘Kashi.” Matt nuzzles into Shiro’s neck. “Sorry, I’m panicking… I don’t understand how you could want me, but I won’t say anything else.”

“Hey, hey it’s okay Matty. Don’t worry too much. You’re perfect, always have been perfect to me and I don’t think anything will ever change that.”

“Oh, hush!” Matt mumbled, blushing a little bit. “I’m feeling a little uncomfortable on the couch like this, why don’t we cuddle in bed?” Matt realized how straightforward and how much worse it could come across. “I mean if you want to,” Matt spoke fast, his words almost slurring together from sheer speed. 

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Shiro chuckled to himself. “You’re cute.” Shiro picked Matt up and headed to Matt’s bedroom with him still in his bedroom. 

“I’m not all that cute!” Matt pouted but snuggled deeper into his chest. “You don’t have to carry me!” 

“I know I don’t have to, I want to. There’s a big difference. You know that I will do anything for you. I want to spoil you rotten and I guess you will have to get used to it," Shiro teased. "You have no real choice but to I guess." Shiro gave a playful smirk before a gentle, sloppy kiss found its way onto his forehead. 

“Okay, okay I’ll try to get used to it. I promise that I will at least give it a try.” Matt leans into Shiro’s gentle forehead kiss.

“That’s good! I’m glad that you will try. That’s all that I would ever ask of you.” Shiro's voice is light and playful, full of love and adoration for his Matty. 

Shiro looked at Matt as if he had gotten all that he had ever wanted. Matt was now feeling quite a bit of second-hand embarrassment from the way Shiro was acting. .He knew the second Pidge found out the feelings were mutual he was in for years worth of teasing. When Matt was still discovering who he was and what he liked Pidge would always listen to his rants. Matt knew she had heard plenty of I love Shiro rants that she could quote them. Matt knew Pidge would never let him live the miscommunication down, and it didn't upset him. Pidge wasn't cruel by any means of the word, she would stop if it upset Matt. 

“If you’re still here tomorrow we will have to explain it to Pidge.” Matt had almost forgotten that she was still coming over as planned. Matt wouldn't cancel their weekly meeting because both of them looked forward to it. That when Matt would receive his regular dose of Testosterone. He got his shot once a week and Pidge has long since perfected not injecting too much air into his thigh muscle.

“We could keep it vague at least for now. I could also go home,” Shiro offered a hint of sadness creeping into his voice with the second suggestion. Shiro didn’t want to leave as much as Matt didn’t want him to but he had to make sure that Matt knew he had the option. Shiro would leave if he was asked to.

“No, no you can stay. Please, please stay. I don't want you to leave yet,” Matt was quick to beg, the pleas falling off his lips with ease. “I’ll tell her tomorrow, I mean she’ll find out anyway that kid is a fucking genius, I swear.” Matt laughed a little nervous laugh. Shiro wanted to know why Matt was so nervous about telling Pidge. They were both intelligent and both tended to be habitual creatures but that didn’t bother Shiro. He would always accept his Matt the way he came.

“Are you okay Matt? You know you can tell me anything… right?” Shiro hadn’t meant for his voice to crack the way it did but it did. 

“She knows,” Matt’s voice was a weak whisper as if he didn’t want to admit that his baby sister had figured out his secret. If he was to be honest Matt felt as if Pidge had come to terms with it before he had even considered it a possibility.

“Oh.” Shiro was going to hate himself for that one but the entire statement had come to him as a shock. Of course Pidge knew. How had he expected him to be able to keep something like this from his sometimes nosy little sister?

“Oh? That’s all you can say? Oh?” Matt was overreacting a little but Shiro understood why he was. It must have been more of a big deal to Matt then Shiro had thought at first. “Never mind, it’s stupid, you're right forget I brought it up, to begin with, it’s whatever.” Matt started to push away from Shiro. "I shouldn't have said anything. Just forget it!”

“No, no Matty, it’s not that. I didn’t quite expect that to be the next thing out of your mouth.” Shiro gave the corner of Matt’s soft pink lips a gentle kiss. “Took me by surprise is all.” Shiro rubbed circles into Matt’s back as he laid him on his bed. “Why do you think she knows?” Shiro wanted to know why Matt assumed that or if it was a fact. Shiro knew that sometimes Matt convinced himself of something that wasn't true from a misunderstanding. While Shiro loved him to the ends of the Earth, sometimes he worried to death about the boy who was once his best friend and now his boyfriend?... his lover? Shiro didn’t know what Matt and him were but he knew they were something and Shiro wasn't letting go for all it was worth. He was never gonna let Matt go now that he had him and that had to count for something.

“Because I told her that I thought that I was in love with you!" Matt snapped, a little bit of anger in his voice but it wasn’t aimed at Shiro, it seemed more aimed at himself then at Shiro. “I told her and she told me that she had already suspected it for a long time before I told her.” He looked away embarrassed by how loose-lipped he always was when it came to his feisty sister. “It was obvious that I had some sort of unrequited feelings for you!”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Shiro kisses Matt’s nose flopping himself beside Matt. He let his hand rest on his new love's stomach and his head on his shoulder. “Do you want to tell me why you told me? You seem upset that you told her. But you don’t have to tell me if you’re uncomfortable. But I want to know, call me curious."

“Are you sure? It’s kinda embarrassing.” Matt sighed and blushed a little. “I’ll tell you as long as you don't tease me about it okay?”

“Yeah, I won’t tease you about it. I promise.” Shiro kissed his shoulder a little playfulness behind it.

“I was drunk off my ass and complaining about how hot you were and how much I cared about you. How much I wanted to fuck you and all that.” Matt blushed. “Pidge claimed that she had known for a while. She promised me that she wasn’t gonna tell our parents that I managed to get alcohol into the house.” Matt smiled and worried at his lower lip. “Told me I had already embarrassed myself enough that she wouldn’t get our parents involved or tell you. I think it was because she didn’t want to think about it anymore then she had to and I don't blame her for that. I still don't want to think about what all I told her because I was all kinds of fucked up at the time. Let the record state that sixteen-year-old Matt was an idiot.” Matt rambled on for a moment, his face getting a bright pink tint to it the longer he spoke. Why exactly was he spilling his guts to Shiro?

Shiro had a soft smile on his face. “My god you’re so cute.”Shiro sat up and leaned up to give his lips a gentle kiss. “I’m so lucky you liked me back then and that you still do.” Shiro gave Matt a gentle kiss, he cupped his face with his left hand. Shiro caressed his boyfriend's face with the hand. 

“What are we?” Matt asked without being prompted. He was playful as he pushed Shiro off of him and away from him. “Not that we need to define this relationship yet but it’s uh good to know.”

“What do you want to be?” Shiro turned the question back on him. Shiro didn’t want to push his luck too far and chase Matt away, he had just gotten him. Shiro didn't care about what they were as long as they were together.

“I want to date you, I want to be yours… your boyfriend.” Matt was honest with what he wanted. Matt had always wanted to be Shiro’s everything because Shiro already was his everything.

“I would love that. My handsome, lovely, wonderful boyfriend.” Matt kissed the corner of his mouth with a wide smile. 

"Okay, okay you have to stop being all mushy like that.” Matt rolled Shiro over onto his back and straddled his waist with his legs. “I want you so bad right now but not yet.” Matt kissed him again. “Mhm, not yet.”

“Yeah, gotta wait for you to be ready, don’t worry I’ll wait for you and I will take care of you,” Shiro promised, and Matt trusted it because Shiro always kept his word.

“Mhm, I really don’t want to wait but I’m super gross right now.” Matt kissed him. “The mix between starting testosterone and my period is making me horny as fuck.” He pouted a little. "This is the absolute worst part of it!" 

“Hey, hey you’re not gross for your cycle still happening Matthew. I promise that one day I will show you that I think, no I know every single thing about you is perfect and beautiful. I promise you that.” Shiro pulled Matt down for another kiss. “I’m weak for you, always have been when it comes to you.” Shiro rubbed Matt’s back, his hand snaking up the back of his shirt. “Is this okay, Matty?”

"Yeah, yeah that’s fine ‘Kashi.” Matt blushed and kissed him. He pushed himself against Shiro, his hips grinding against Shiro’s lower half.

Shiro kissed Matt with vigor, his hands scratching Shiro’s back a little his nails digging into his shirt. Shiro nipped at Matt’s lower lip, it was a little rougher than he had intended to but Matt responded the same way. Matt pulled away enough to let out a soft gasp-like moan, he bucked down onto Shiro’s lap.

“You’re such a cruel, cruel man Takashi,” Matt had a teasing tone to his voice as he kissed at the base of his neck.

“Oh? I don’t see you complaining too much.” Shiro slowly edged his hands towards Matt’s small breasts. “Am I allowed to touch them? Or is that too far?”

“Yeah, yeah that’s fine.” Matt sounded distracted, like he wanted to be anywhere else but here right now.

“Are you sure? I don’t have to if you’re not ready. or even if you don't want me to ever. I don't mind either way at all.”

“You’re not the first,” Matt's voice sounded a little bit dejected. He seemed like he wanted to do anything but to explain what he was talking about. He pulled himself into a better sitting position so that he could look down at Shiro.

Shiro withdrew his hands down to his hips. “Why do I feel like there’s a but at the end of the statement and an explanation as to why?” Shiro asked with a gentle tone. Matt tried to make a break for it. Shiro squeezed Matt’s hips; it was enough to get the other boy to stay put. “Trying to run when I only want to know because I’m concerned .” Shiro’s eyebrows cocked to show that he was curious. “Out with it, I’m not mad at you, I care about you too much to worry about you.” Shiro rubbed small, calming circles into Matt’s hips.

“It’s not what you think! At least from what I uh think it's not! I promise!” Matt sounded exasperated, he didn’t want to worry Shiro and he still managed to do what he didn’t want to do. “No, one hurt me Takashi!”

“Okay, I trust you. Was it a guy or a girl?” Shiro was gentle as he pressed for more information. Shiro didn't care who was the first or even that it wasn't him. Matt wasn't his possession or tarnished because he wasn't in mint condition.

“One time with a girl. It was about the time I realized that I liked you. At the time I hoped and prayed that if I went and slept with her I wouldn't like you anymore.” Matt bit his lip. “Didn’t work just made me feel super guilty.” He bit his lip. “We didn’t go farther than making out, for fucks sake I tried to sleep with your friend. You know that chick, are you even still friends with her? I can’t even remember!” He needed to reign himself in before he had a meltdown of some sort. He wasn't sure what was dragging him towards this mild annoyance past him for being dumb or Shiro for asking. Why had he even brought it up in the first place? He didn't even have to tell Shiro all this. Was he telling him because of stupid guilt?

“Allura or Romelle?” Shiro had a soft, even tone, no anger in his voice which calmed Matt down quite a bit.

“Allura, yeah.” He nodded

Shiro smiled and chuckled. “Yeah, I’m still friends with her. I never knew you almost slept with her, though. That’s okay though, I get to call you mine while she doesn’t which makes me kinda proud and smug but I dunno.” Shiro tugged him down for a kiss. “As for the second time?"

Matt blushed "Ahh the second time... it was a guy, at the time you were dating your first boyfriend I kinda hooked up with a guy and we went all the way." He tried to hide his face in his hands. "And that is all I am gonna say about that one."

"No real worries there baby. I got you, it’s in the past, right?” Shiro smiled and pecked both of his cheeks.

“Yeah, I have no real interest in anyone but you.” Matt pecked his lips. “Can we cuddle, I’m not in the mood for anything else right now. Is that okay?”

“More than okay, let’s cuddle. You should take a nap. You look exhausted. I will be here when you wake up babe.” 

“I’m not tired ‘Kashi,” Matt complained, he didn't want to sleep he wanted to stay up annoying the piss out of Shiro.

“You look exhausted, like death warmed over… it’s worrying. Please sleep for me.” Shiro had a gentle tone and tried to stay calm as he spoke. “I’m not leaving anytime soon, I don’t even plan on leaving this bed until you wake up again unless I have to pee.”

“Yeah please don’t piss in my bed. I don’t want to have to clean that.” Matt smiled, a lot happier than he had been just a few moments earlier.

“I don’t plan on it.” Matt rubbed his side. “Sleep, I’ll be right here I promise, love you Matty.” Shiro yawned nuzzling into the back of Matt’s neck, placing a gentle complacent kiss on the back of his neck. 

Matt yawned and snuggled back into him, deciding it was best to let sleep take him over.

** ~ **

Matt wasn’t sure how long he had slept but it felt like it was a long time, but he woke up in pain. He slept long enough for the painkillers to wear off. A strangled sob ripped out of his lungs as he sat, throwing Shiro’s arm off him and curling his knees up to his chest. After a few minutes his eyes got used to the darkness and it was early morning, a little after three am. He had been asleep for most of the day thanks to Shiro’s insistent badgering that he should sleep. He hadn't been able to get a dose of painkillers before he had fallen to sleep, which meant he woke up annoyed at Shiro.

After what felt like an eternity Shiro woke up, concern hung heavy on Shiro’s sleepy features. Matt could tell he was still sleepy and confused. “Are you okay, baby?” Shiro’s voice was groggy and Matt thought that was hot but now wasn’t the time, stupid hormones.

"Cramps. Need painkillers. Now. Bathroom. Please.” Matt whimpered. “Can’t move happily from this position so hurry your ass up or I’m gonna be mad!” Matt ushered him out of the room without moving. He stayed cemented in the position that was keeping the pain subsided a little. The pain was dull enough that he currently didn’t feel like he was dying, he needed Shiro to hurry up and get back to him.

With staggering steps he made his way to the bathroom but he was moving with urgency. He knew that if Matt was making demands of him like that it was a serious thing, he needed to get back to him fast.

After a few moments Shiro made it back with a bottle of Ibuprofen and one of the cups from the sink – full of water. It was an old worn mug. Matt had this silly mug for ages, an old plastic Star Wars mug that he had gotten for his eighth birthday. The stupid mug had moved from three different houses before it finally took up residency in the bathroom. He took a dose of ibuprofen and chugged the glass of water. Matt couldn't stand the taste of the tap water at his apartment and hadn't expected Shiro to get him a mug of water. Shiro was always thoughtful but he hadn't expected him to think of this, it made his head spin. 

“Thank you.” Matt threw himself at Shiro and kissed both of his cheeks. “Sorry, woke up in pain, couldn’t move to get it myself, and then you woke up so I sent you. Sorry.”

“No need to apologize. I’m sorry you woke up in pain. Any other way I can help?” Shiro was serious. 

Can you cuddle me? Being held tight sounds so good right now.” Matt let out a quiet sigh, he was so lucky.

“Yeah, yeah I can do that. Are you planning on sleeping some more?” Shiro asked, he thought it was a good idea. “You should get comfortable again and I’ll hold you close.” Shiro kissed his shoulders, taking a slow pace at leading Matt back to laying down. 

Matt was reluctant to lay down at first but Shiro had a point. “Yeah, more sleep sounds good. I’m glad you're here ‘Kashi. Thank you.” Matt laid down and curled up next to him. “I love you. Night,” no sooner had Matt said the night he was out again. 

Shiro kept his word even though Matt was already asleep again. He pulled him close to his chest and didn’t let go, even after he let sleep win himself over again.

** ~ **

Morning came sooner than the pair liked, specifically Matt. The second Matt woke up and he wanted to eat. He tried to squirm out of Shiro’s firm grasp but it didn’t work out, so he just pouted and nudged Shiro’s legs. Matt was hungry, all he wanted to do was go to the kitchen so that he could grab at least a bowl of cereal. But it didn’t look like he was going to get a chance to get out of bed anytime soon. The only way he was getting out of bed as if he woke up the muscular, dreamboat of a boyfriend he had held him in place. Matt cursed at himself for wanting Shiro to not let go of him last night and that Shiro was the type of man to keep his word.

Matt started to plot what he was going to do to be able to get some food. Normal means of attack wasn’t getting him out of Shiro’s right grip. Shiro wasn’t budging at all much to Matt’s dismay. Matt managed to get his face over Shiro’s face and he licked the flesh right below his eye in hopes that he would wake up. And much to Matt’s surprise Shiro didn’t stir which irritated his boyfriend. Matt squirmed somehow managing to face him and push away from Shiro. Finally he was free from Shiro’s iron grip.

Matt ran straight to the kitchen and made a couple of packs of s’ mores Pop-Tarts because that's all that sounded even good at that moment. Heading back to the bedroom, he flopped the bed beside Shiro, eating his Pop-Tarts, without a care in the world. 

Gradually, Shiro woke up a little confused. “When did you wake up Matty? Why didn’t you wake me? Wait a minute, my face is wet, did you lick me?” Shiro wiped at his face, confusion and sleep thick in his voice. Why was sleepy Shiro so damn cute and hot at the same time it was so unfair.

“I made some Pop-Tarts, and I got up here like uhm five minutes ago. I tried to wake you but it didn’t quite work.” Matt shrugged. “Mhm, yep licked your face… didn’t wake you up. You have a tight grip.” Matt ran his fingers through his hair, he was a little nervous and embarrassed. “So sorry, ‘Kashi.”

Shiro laughs a little at Matt's antics. “Gross, you're fine though.” He kisses his nose. “You’re such a dork but I love you.”

Matt laughed. “Yeah, better get used to me being a dork because from now on it will only get worse, I can promise you that.” Matt had a stupid grin on his face as he kissed him, it was soft but passionate. 

Shiro was already hooked, Matt seemed to do that to people… he got them hooked on his presence, his kiss, and his touch. All lethal in larger doses but like this, this was enough to make you come back begging for more and more. Shiro had lost himself in Matt’s existence. While he had been for a long time he still couldn’t figure out when he had become enamored by his best friend. Shiro was for sure one of the lucky ones, he got to call Matt his and his alone. Shiro loved the fact that he didn’t need to share him with anyone in a romantic way. That made Shiro such a lucky guy, he would have to thank the stars for aligning in the right way that gave him Matt.

Shiro hadn't even realized he was staring at Matt awestruck, pure love in his eyes. Not until Matt shied away from his piercing stare, his pale grey eyes dissecting every layer of Matt’s being with love. Shiro wanted to know what made Matt so special to him that he was willing to throw everything away for him. Everything he ever worked for he would throw away for his boy in a heartbeat, not giving a single thought about what he was giving up. All he cared about was that Matt was happy, he loved him so much.

“Why are you staring ‘Kashi?” Matt asked, he was well aware of the eyes on him and he wanted them gone. “You don’t need to stare like that.” 

“Sorry, I was deep in thought.” Shiro kissed his cheek trying to take all the anxiety that he had caused Matt away. He didn’t want his boyfriend uncomfortable with him. Shiro wanted him to make sure that he knew he loved him more than anything

“Oh okay. It was super weird.” Matt absently rubbed the back of his neck. “Come on snuggle me again, already!” He pouted flopping back down onto the bed.

“Okay, okay I’m snuggling you now.” Shiro pulled Matt flush against his chest. Shiro rubbed Matt’s back, humming in his ear. Matt knew the tune but couldn’t place what it was exactly but it was rather soothing.

“Takashi?” Matt asked his voice soft and tender, breaking Shiro’s humming off.

“Yeah, Matty?” He asked, he seemed a little worried that his humming was annoying him.

“What was that you were humming?” Matt was curious, he wanted to know bad, it was so soothing and nice.

“It’s a lullaby for my baby.” God that straightforwardness would be the actual death of him.

“God you’re adorable.” Matt smiled and kissed the corner of his mouth before nuzzling into his chest and whining a little. “You should do it again. I liked the humming. It was kinda soothing… I don't know.” He tried to pass it off as he didn’t care but he kinda wanted to hear it again but didn't want to sound too eager.

“Anything for you Matty,” Shiro cooed before humming the same tune again to try and soothe them both back to sleep. Rubbing circles into Matt’s back, the redhead finally managed to fall back asleep.


End file.
